Day 13, stage 3

So we didn't have internet most of the day. So, this is going to be jumbled. Last night I told Jack that we were almost out of propane. But he thought we would make it until he could get more at lunch. Well, I started a chicken and it didn't make it. The worst part was that when I asked Layla for my phone, she told me it was in the car. So we all got more dressed walked to see Joan at work and called Jack. Then walked home. The girls were not happy and were hungry and I was about done. It wasn't even 10. Jack did make it home and we finished cooking the chicken. It was a good lunch. Then because we didn't have internet and what we were doing for school slightly depended on it, it messed up our whole school day. Gwendy was upset about half way through the day. It was just really a bad day for me. I cheated. It was about the fifth time for the day that I about started to bawl and Natalie looked at me and said, mom, have something, cheat. So I took a half stick of butter, a little honey, a little cocoa and some almonds. It was good. I let the girls have a small bite. It didn't really help me. You do realize eventually on this diet that junk does not make you feel better. It just doesn't. I won't say it wasn't worth it. Oddly, maybe because it wasn't really junk, I didn't feel bad either. It was technically legal, just not for the stage I am in. I have noticed something else though. We are on stage three. But mostly we are eating soup or casserole with stock every meal still. We are eating more ferments. We have the occasional avocado. But that is it. While the girls were really wanting spices and flavor not that long ago I am finding that they are very happy to get flavorful veggies and meat. They don't even salt and pepper their food. Our taste buds are changing and adapting to this diet. It is a good thing. I just wish that I was happier and less irritable today. I didn't even want my moontime tea because it is spicy strong and without something to sweeten it I was afraid it would be too much. Yes, I cheated but I wasn't going to cheat again. If tomorrow is still this bad I might do something though. It was a lot today. Our chicken did last all day though. After eating it in parts, by the way I smothered it in lamb tallow, I put the rest in soup that lasted the rest of the day. We are starting to get maybe not as ravenous. I will take that as a good sign. I am also taking it as a good sign that we are still doing well on eating mostly meat and veggies. I want to keep this up. Not end up with lots of baked goods and crap that we shouldn't be eating, even if it is "legal". My goal this time for our gaps journey. I might add to this tomorrow, but that is it for now because I don't feel like dealing with anything more.